How Boundaries and Trust Relate Together

Do you find it difficult to set clear, strong boundaries in relationship and stand by them?

Maybe you try to set some boundaries and then realize that your boundary has been crossed and you still feel unheard. Maybe you have a lot of unmet needs, and cannot communicate them so your man can hear you.….

Or maybe you feel that you cannot trust others. It seems they often let you down. You feel suspicious and uncertain if others really want the best for you.

If this is you - I want you to know that you are not alone. SO, so many people, and especially women, struggle with having strong, clear firm boundaries. I have definitely been one of them and perhaps I still am in some cases.

However, there are many misunderstandings on what boundaries are, and how you can set them. I will soon let you in on a little “secret” about boundaries, but first I want you to know that since you are here, you have already taken the first step in your journey to become more solid as a person.

You CAN change this! You can get strong boundaries, start trusting yourself and build real, solid confidence. And in doing this you will actually become MORE attractive to your man.

All it takes is some patience, some guidance and your willingness to look inside yourself to what you really want and feel!

Because there is a strong relationship between the emotions you feel inside and how much you trust yourself. And this in turn, is related to how well you can set your boundaries AND how much you trust other people.

Because these two are intertwined: Trust and Boundaries.

In a very simplified sense it goes like this:

If you are able to feel and understand your emotions, you are able to trust them. And the more you trust them, the more you can use them and rely on them for making good decisions.

You start trusting yourself to say yes or no to things, based on how you FEEL about it. And your YESs and NOs make up your overall boundaries!

And when you are in touch with your feelings, and your boundaries are in place, you do not need to rely on others to make good decisions for you. You can trust others, because you know that you are able to say NO to the things that don´t feel good to you. You can allow yourself to be the Feminine Energy woman that will make your man feel absolutely safe with you.

There is something not many people know about boundaries, something that is almost a “secret”.

And that secret is that boundaries are only something we set for ourselves.

So many people say they need boundaries to make others behave and do what they want them to do. But the truth is: you can NEVER make a boundary for another human being. A true boundary can ONLY be about you.

A real, strong boundary has NOTHING to do with other people or how we want THEM to behave. A real boundary can only be about you, and how you feel.

Let me give you an example:

I often hear my clients say something like “I need stronger boundaries. I need to let HIM know that he cannot do xxx or yyy.” or “I want him to do aaa or bbb.”

This kind of talk is not expressing a boundary. This kind of statements are about control. They are meant to control another persons behavior, in order for you to feel better.

Control is masculine energy and if you are a woman looking for a wonderful, loving relationship, being in your masculine energy will NOT help you get what you want in your love life. Read more about Masculine / Feminine Energy dynamics here.

So very simplified this means: If you feel uncomfortable with a situation, with a question, with a “something” - instead of trying to make it different, you simply express how you feel about it and REMOVE yourself. Read more about Heartbased Communication.

But back to the actual creation of your boundaries. How do you know when to say YES and when to say NO? And what is needed to be able to really stand by these YES and NOs?

To make this easier I have developed a way of boundary setting where I see a difference between Framework Boundaries and Inner Boundaries. Framework boundaries are built by your masculine energy, your inner man, to protect your feminine energy, your inner girl. These Framework boundaries are more like rules you set for yourself - but they are still only about YOU.

READ HERE - HOW TO SET FRAMEWORK BOUNDARIES

Healthy FRAMEWORK boundaries help you build trust in yourself. And trust in yourself helps you set boundaries. One gives the other in an endless loop.

Clear, firm INNER boundaries however, are a lot about how much you know yourself. How able you are to tune into yourself, your senses, your feelings and your emotions. How intimate you are with yourself and your body.

Inner boundaries are about how you feel inside you, about YOURSELF and what you can tolerate and not. It’s about how much you trust yourself in terms of letting your TRUE emotions guide you moment by moment. Not your surface emotions but those which lie deeply inside, your guiding light.

Because you will constantly be challenged by new situations where you have o clue what your framework boundaries are, until you have experienced these same situations. And this is where your inner boundaries comes into play. This is where you go look deep inside, pause for a moment and then respond with how you feel about something…and you can then do it with authenticity and love.

And trusting yourself is about going so deep inside that you can peel off all the layers of emotions, until you find the truth inside. Your feminine essence emotions. And let those shine your guiding light for you, on the path of right and wrong.

Not someone else’s rights or wrong, not moral, community or bible, but the true emotions inside which are telling you what you WANT.
And when you know what you truly want, you can access your inner boundaries and align them with your framework boundaries and maybe most important: MAINTAIN those boundaries in a good feeling, feminine way.

If you feel ready to do some INNER boundary work…to become more solid, and get clear strong boundaries…don´t hesitate. Talk to me and let me walk with you on your path. My gentle and imaginative coaching has already helped many women get clearer on what their boundaries really are.