What To Do When He Is Looking At His Phone…
Today, I received an email with a very common question:
“I don´t know what to do. My boyfriend has been so distant lately. When we´re together he spends most of the time looking at his phone and it makes me feel anxious and resentful.
WHY is he spending so much time with his phone, instead of talking to me? Has he got another woman?
I have told him a number of times that I don´t like it when he´s on his phone, but nothing changes. When I bring it up he gets angry and defensive. What should I do? /Frustrated”
Here is my answer:
“Dear Frustrated,
Wow, I can really feel you here & I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.
I think we’ve all experienced that disconnect at times, when our partner is looking at their phone rather than talking to us…
It can throw us into a spiralling where we desperately look for the answer to WHY he is on his phone instead of engaging with us.
The problem with this, is that these kind of thoughts easily create a lot of anxiety.
And when anxiety creeps in we’re going into the land of feeling “not-enough” and it’s easy to blame & attack.
What you probably didn’t know about Anxiety is that it’s a lot of Masculine Energy (Learn more about Masculine/Feminine Energy here!)
It consists of our thoughts about what is happening and it’s actually a way to protect us from feeling all the things we feel deep inside - because these feelings are too uncomfortable to feel.
However - the problem with this is that when you come from this place of Masculine Anxious energy and you tell your man to stop looking at his phone, he will RESIST you.
Not because he doesn’t care and not because he doesn’t love you - but simply because he feels like he’s made wrong and that he is the reason to why you’re feeling upset.
So - instead of telling him to stop or ruminating about “why” he’s doing this…
I want you to ask yourself - “What am I feeling”?
If you’re like most of us - what you feel is anger, resentment, sadness and fear.
Fear that he doesn’t love you. Anger & resentment for not being a priority. Sadness because you don’t know where the relationship is heading.
So this is what I want you to do:
I want you to really feel yourself, and your vulnerability. SOFTEN your whole body and put all the attention back on you, and your feelings.
WHY? Because THIS is what will make him stop looking at his phone and instead look at you!
When you’re in your feelings you’re in your Feminine Energy.
(if you click the button below you can download a worksheet to help you with exactly HOW to do this)
This is what attracts a man to you, this is what makes him fall for you and want to be with you.
A woman who can BE with her emotions, process them and then SPEAK from her HEART instead of from that place of angry lack - she’s the woman who’ll get the relationship she wants.
A woman who can speak clearly, calmly with true authenticity and vulnerability directly from her heart - she’s Confidently Feminine.
All men are attracted to Feminine Confidence. This makes him want to take care of you, protect you and he’ll start to listen!
When you reach that place where you’re connected to your feminine energy - this is the place where you can start communicating with him - without creating drama.
You’ll send out a completely new VIBE. A vibe of confidence and openness.
From this new, calm place you will be able to express your concerns and actually RECEIVE what he has to give to you!
This will be a complete turnaround in your relationship, since now, suddenly you’re building Relationship GLUE instead of even more distance between you.
Because the reality is that what we want is closeness, connection and to feel loved.
It really has little to do with the phone itself…
If you want to learn exactly how to do this, how to process your emotions so that you can connect to your heart and then INSPIRE him to connect with your heart…
and learn how to speak in a way that will draw him closer instead of making him defensive, then please download my Emotional Processing Worksheet!
Just click the button to learn this AMAZING tool that can literally change not only your relationship but your entire life.