Have you ever heard that communicating your feelings to a man, will push him away? Or perhaps you have experienced this for real, when you were sad and angry, and you let him know how you felt, he suddenly withdraw. And this made you feel even worse, so you poke him and try with all means to get a reaction from him, but this only made him withdraw even more, and perhaps suddenly he was even out of the relationship…

So you make the conclusion that communicating what you really feel is not wise, and that if you do so, he will not be interested in being with you. It is easy to get a feeling that a man is only interested in us when we feel good, and smile all the time. So we start to cover up our emotions, we try to please him and we go in all different sorts of man-pleasing behaviors, just to make him stick around. And still we feel uncertain and afraid inside, we feel not enough and maybe even as if we are walking a mine field. We get so afraid of speaking our truths that we become totally in-authentic.

This is something I don´t want you to ever experience again.

Because the truth is, your emotions are your friends! Your emotions are what will help you connect with a man, your emotions are what creates emotional intimacy and your emotions are what trigger his romantic experience of you - his passion and wish to Provide, Protect and Pursue you!

So let´s take a look at how this works. I got an email from a woman who needed help with this. Here is a short extract of what she wrote:

“I want to tell him how angry and sad I am, because of what we have become. We used to be so much in love, and now I feel as if he is avoiding me. He is most of the time withdrawn, he seems to be so lost in his thoughts and he never listens to me. I feel sad, because we once had this great connection, he used to take me out on dates, but now he doesn´t and I start to feel insecure. As soon as I mention anything about the relationship or where we are at things, he get either angry and defensive, or he just goes silent and withdraws. I was hoping we would marry one day, but now I don´t know anymore. He has stopped pursuing me and he stopped talking about marriage. I just want to tell him how I feel.”

And my answer:

So YES! Of course you can tell him how you feel. However there are TWO super important things to recognize BEFORE you tell him how you feel, to avoid drama!

The first one is that HOW you speak your emotions to him will make all the difference of where this conversation is going. Obviously you have talked to him about it in the past, but with little success of achieving what you want, namely that he listens and that he is giving you MORE of what you want. So we need to change something in your communication here.
We need to change how you to speak to him, so that he can hear you. This is about finding a way to speak that is completely non-attacking and will draw him closer instead. A way to speak that is ONLY about you, how you feel and what is going on for you. And there is no urgency! Let it take its time to formulate a “speech”. You may find things shift in you as you go along as well.
Secondly, I like to separate between “surface feelings” and “deep emotions”. The surface feelings are the easy accessible feelings - the feelings and emotions that come up easily, those we recognize immediately with our mind …. and which we often find are related to what he said or didn’t say, or what he did or didn't do…These surface emotions are more or less a result of what we are thinking and believing about the situation we are in with this man. We make a storyline in our heads, where he is “treating us wrong” and with this story running, of course he IS treating us wrong…and then we start to feel bad, and we feed our own emotions this way.

Whereas the “deep emotions” are the emotions that are underneath all the stories and thoughts we tell ourselves. I believe in a sense that those deeper emotions, are the very thing that triggers our thoughts, which then create our surface feelings. And it's always wise to communicate the deep emotions rather than surface feeling, because those are more of your true emotions and less of drama. The surface emotions have often nothing to do with him, even when we think they have. Because they are mainly feelings created from what he triggered in us.

So when we want to communicate our true, authentic feelings, we want to get down one layer or two and find those emotions that are underneath it all.

It is wise NOT to communicate all and every feeling we have, especially if it is not so good feeling feeling coming from a thought.

However we want to stay authentic and we don't want to hide what we feel in the moment. So whenever you feel really angry because of something he just did or said you can always say “ I feel angry” right there in the moment. And then you just leave it at that. No explanation necessary. AND absolutely no blaming! He is not responsible for your feelings.

And if things feels too bad you can always leave the room. You can say “I feel angry and it has nothing to do with you. But I need to have some time for myself right now.” This is where you go and process your emotions and feel them through, really get into how this anger feels in your body.
Sometimes when we feel very anxious or stressed, it's because we're stuffing down our true feelings and we keep sailing on the surface with our thoughts and stories as we try to get out of feeling bad. But resisting what is, namely, your emotions - both the surface emotions and the deeper stuff - doesn´t work. So if you notice this is happening…ask yourself:

“what is it I am unwilling to feel right now?”
And see what comes up.
DO YOU NEED HELP TO SCRIPT YOURSELF WITH WHAT TO SAY TO A MAN? NEED HELP WITH HOW TO COMMUNICATE YOUR EMOTIONS?
I will be so happy to hear from you <3
Try out a FREE 1:1 discovery call, there is nothing to loose, just everything to win.
Love,
Eva

How To Communicate Your Emotions To Bring Him Close